


To Paint a God

by signpainter1



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Insecurity, M/M, Painter Ash, Painting, Pining Ash Lynx, Pining Okumura Eiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signpainter1/pseuds/signpainter1
Summary: AU time! Eiji Okumura is an assistant to the famous artist Ash Lynx.  Although he is happy with his job he has an embarrassing secret. He wants to be a model for one of Ash’s paintings. Eiji knows he will never get that chance, after all, Ash only draws beautiful people and Eiji doesn't make that cut.Ash has a secret. He wants to draw his assistant Eiji but doesn't feel like his work is good enough to capture the real him.Just two pining idiots unaware of how the other feels
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 21
Kudos: 177





	1. Pinning Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So other than working on three different projects now I thought it would be a good time to start another story! This one was supposed to be a one-shot..... well now it's a two-shot! (yay?) Anywho I wrote this at midnight so if there are more grammatical mistakes feel free to point them out if they bother you.  
> Alright on to the story!

“Thank you, Frederick. Ash will call you again when he next needs you.” Eiji bowed as the young man sauntered out the front door. Frederick was one of Ash’s models. He was one of the few regulars. Ash was so picky that most models only lasted sitting or so. Eiji closed the door behind him and then went to his laptop. He clocked the time where Frederick left and double-checked that all the files were in place. Once he was done, he headed to the studio.

Eiji worked as an assistant to the famous painter Ash Lynx. Despite a year younger than Eiji, Ash had graduated college at 17 and had debuted as a painter. He was a genius as well as a prodigy and many artists, including Eiji, looked up to him. When Eiji changed majors in order to become a photographer, he had applied for the assistant job. He needed the money since he no longer could rely on his pole-vaulting scholarship. At the memory of his pole-vaulting carrier, Eiji’s mood darkened. Even after three years, the memories of his pole-vaulting incident still haunted him. Eiji shook his head, clearing his thoughts. This wasn’t the time to dwell on the past. He had work to do.

Opening the studio door he found the room set up to look like a library. Large bookcases loomed in the back and there was a nice oak table in the middle. Around the set, bright lights shone on the table, illuminating an open book with a beautifully illustrated picture of a small woman in a flower. For the last couple of days, Ash had been painting Frederick in this setting. Ash was very particular about how each set of pieces should be placed. It usually took Eiji a couple of hours of dragging around different props for Ash to be satisfied.

At the sound of the door opening, Ash glanced up from his place behind an easel. He peered around the large canvas to look at Eiji. “Is Fredric’s gone?” When Eiji nodded Ash smiled at him. “Alright then, can you clean up the set for me? Keep the bookcases out though, I think I’ll need them for my next painting.” With that Ash turned his attention back to the canvas. Eiji glanced at him.

Ash looked how he always did after finishing a painting. Tied after a long day of painting and critical about his work. He had paint in his messy blond hair. Somehow, he also got paint all over his baggy blue painter’s clothes. He wore a small frown on his face as his deep green eyes surveyed the picture. Ash switched between looking like a pouty child or a professional artist daily. Eiji couldn’t tell which one he looked like today. Smiling to himself, Eiji started picking up the props and loading them onto the small cart. No matter what Ash looked like he was always amazing. There was something wild and free about him. If Eiji ever became a professional photographer, he was going to ask Ash to be his model.

It wasn’t a secret that Eiji had a crush on Ash. His sister, his friends Sing and Yut-Lung, and even Professor Ibe knew about his crush. They all had known about it for many years, long before Eiji was even aware of it himself. Of course, Ash didn’t notice. He was in his own world of paints and colors. When he wasn’t hanging with Eiji or his friends he was researching for his next work. It was time-consuming, but Ash put all his efforts into it.

Eiji loved that about Ash. He actually loved most things about Ash. The way Ash pouted or sulked when Eiji teased him. The way he easily came up with retorts and comebacks. His confidence, his humor. When Eiji had first met Ash he wasn’t sure what to make of him. Ash seemed removed and unapproachable. After a while, however, they began talking during work. At some point, they started hanging out after work. Now it wasn’t uncommon for one or the other to show up the other’s house unannounced, just chill. Despite all the times they had hung out together Ash hadn’t picked up at all on Eiji’s feelings. 

_“Perhaps that’s for the best.”_ Eiji thought has he finished loading the props and began wheeling the cart to the storage room. _“If he was more aware of his surroundings, he might have noticed my secret.”_

Although his crush on Ash was obvious to his friends and family, Eiji had a secret that no one knew about. It was a desire that he kept to himself. Eiji Okumura wanted to be a model for one of Ash’s paintings.

Ash’s portraits were amazing. He caught, not only the person but everything that person was. His pictures had so much character in them that it felt like you knew the subject personally as if they were a friend or a family member. It was different from what Eiji wanted to do with photography. Photos were about a moment, frozen in time. That perfect moment that describes you and how you were feeling. Paintings however took a long time to make. They were more about your essence. Eiji wanted to know what his essence looked like. What did his friends see when they saw him? More importantly, what did Ash see when he saw him? He wanted Ash’s intense gaze on him alone. He wanted Ash to catch every part of him and translate it onto paper.

This desire had come as a surprise to Eiji. When he first started working for Ash, he didn’t want to be a model. It was only after many months of hanging with Ash that Eiji suddenly wanted to be the subject of Ash’s art. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. It was sometime between when they went to karaoke and Ash and his friend Shorter sung a duet together and when Eiji and Ash were eating ice cream while chilling on a park bench. The feeling had just grown from there. Eiji hated it. It was an embarrassing and selfish desire. Eiji would never tell a living soul about this dark secret. He wished it would go away, after all, he knew he would _never_ be in one of Ash’s paintings.

Ash Lynx only painted beautiful people. He was so selective in his work that he turned down some of the most gorgeous people Eiji had ever lay eyes on because they were just not “good enough” for him. Ash wasn’t always so selective in choosing his subjects. Back when Eiji first started working for him, Ash painted models he met off the street. As his fame grew however his desire for perfection grew as well. Now Ash could go through twenty pictures of sunning models and would only choose one if he really likes them. If they didn’t have a chance Eiji surely didn’t. He wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous like the other subjects. He lacked the natural beautify of Fredric or the strong confidence of Jessica, another of Ash’s models. His body may have echoes of his pole-vaulting carrier but nothing that would be of any interest to Ash. Eiji was painfully aware that he looked like a 16-year-old scrawny kid. He was plain and wore close he bought at a secondhand store. He was a fallen star who fell into depression. His life story was boring. His body was boring. Why would someone like Ash Lynx ever want to capture _his_ essence? He was practically worthless as a model. No, it was better if Eiji stayed behind the scenes. He was no one’s star, just a simple photographer and assistant.

Eiji sighed loudly in the dark storage room. He knew he really shouldn’t dwell on this. It only made him miserable. Pulling on a smile, he returned to the studio. Eiji found Ash where he had left him, still eying his painting. Ash definitely didn’t look pleased about something. Curiosity getting the best of him, Eiji walked around the canvas to look at it. As his eyes took in the artwork in front of him, he gave a small gasp.

There was Fredric, lounging on a simple wooden chair, and reading the book with beautiful illustrations. He looked haughty and proud, like a noble of old, yet there was humor in his expression. Eiji could see that he enjoyed the company of others and doated on his friends. His relaxed posture suggested that he was reading for fun. Eiji’s eyes traveled to the man’s gaze, which was on his book. It was relaxed, calm. He was engaged in the book, his mind conjuring up images of the story in front of him. Eiji could stare at the painting for hours.

“It’s amazing.” He breathed, his voice barely over a whisper.

“It’s alright.” Ash didn’t sound impressed. “I could have done better.” Eiji turned to him in shock and shook his head in bewilderment. This portrait could win awards. It matched, if not beat, many other pieces of art that were created.

“Is this one going to be part of the gallery?”

“Which gallery?” Ash turned his attention away from the painting.

“The Highstone Gallery. They asked you if you wanted to have some of your work displayed there last month, remember?”

“Oh yeah…sure.” Ash said dismissively. Eiji rolled his eyes. Ash seemed to be quickly losing interest in art galleries and competitions. Eiji remembered a time when Ash was eager to get his work out there. He wanted to make a name for himself and he applied to everything that came his way. Over the years however, Ash had become somewhat obsessed with “perfection”. He started caring less about getting his work out and more about making the perfect picture. Eiji supposed if he was a prodigy, fame would lose its appeal that quickly as well.

“You still need three more pictures for that gallery. They said you need to submit at least four works.”

“Oh.” Ash didn’t seem to be listening. “Do you mind calling Jessica again? I have an idea I would like to try on her.”

“I’ll contact her tomorrow. Oh and speaking of contacts, I’ve finished the list of new candidates.”

“Really?” Ash finally seemed interested in the conversation. He finally looked away from his work. “Let’s go look at it now. I want to see if there’s anyone that could work for an upcoming project I want to make.”

Eiji led the way back into the lobby and got on his computer. After a few seconds of typing, he popped up his list. Ash sat down and began scrolling through the names. At first, he seemed invested but as the list continued his interest wavered. By the end of the list he looked bored again.

“I guess the third one would do. You can call him.”

Eiji tried to bite down his own frustration. Listening to Ash dismiss people who looked like they could be literal be angles, reminded him how little chance he had of getting painted. How were these people not enough? What was Ash looking for? Eiji wished he was the man who was just picked off the list. Maybe Ash wasn’t enthusiastic but at least he would get Ash’s undivided attention. Ash would look deeply into the man’s soul in a way only an artist could do and create something beautiful from it. Eiji turned his head away as a blush spreading. Between his crush and desire to be painted he was acting childish. It was stupid. It was so incredibly stupid. He needed to get over himself. He needed to stop being envious of the different models that came in. Eiji wasn't usually a jealous person. He usually was rational and level headed, giving everyone a chance. Even so when it came to Ash Lynx, things were different. He wanted to stay with Ash as long as possible. He sometimes had a hard time acting "normal" around him. 

“I’ll reach out to him then.” Eiji forced his voice to sound professional. He didn’t want Ash to hear any of the jealousy he was feeling. 

Ash ran a hand through his hair musing to himself “Although he’s not up to standards, I think he might actually work…” Eiji had no idea what Ash’s ‘standards’ were but they must be ridiculously high.

As Eiji watched Ash mull over the new candidate Eiji suddenly had the urge to say something. Every day it seemed Ash was getting picker and picker about his subjects. As someone who used to always be reaching for higher and higher goals, he sympathized with him but also knew the dangers of those thoughts. Eiji was worried Ash might be getting a little obsessed.

“Ash, I know it’s good not to get complacent and it’s always important to strive to improve, but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I mean, you’re going to drive yourself insane trying to reach ‘perfection’. You’ll never get there, and it will make you go crazy. You need an attainable goal.” Eiji thought back to his Pole-Vaulting years. “Trust me, there’s such thing as pushing yourself too far.”

Ash looked at Eiji with an unreadable expression before relaxing. His eyes softened and he gave a sad smile. “I know Eiji, but I need to do this. I _have_ a goal in mind, but to reach it I need to improve my skills.” He sighed frustrated. “I had this goal in mind for a while but…” He petered off gloomily. Eiji bit his lip. He didn’t mean to make Ash unhappy. Thinking quickly he decided to change the subject.

“Hey, are you free after work? The café down the road is having trivia night.” Eiji flashed him a grin. “I thought you’d be interested.”

To Eiji’s relief, Ash’s gloomy expression disappeared. “Another one? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you bring me to all these trivia nights just so I can win them for you.” Ash raised an eyebrow. “Do you only hang out with me because of my brain?”

“Ash how dare you!” Eiji gasped in mock outrage. “What’s wrong with hanging out with my friend on trivia night?”

“Hmmm.” Ash crossed his arms.

Eiji copied him. “Are you saying that you don’t want to cream your competition and enjoy their shocked faces when they underestimate you?” Eiji asked innocently

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Ash smirked. “Alright let’s do it!”

\---

Ash Lynx had a secret. A secret no one else could know yet. A secret he had been carrying for the last couple of years. A secret that he wanted to achieve someday.

“Alright Fredric, that’s all for today. Thank you for coming.” Ash watched the young man leave. Once he was out the door Ash turned to observe his new portrait. He had outdone himself this time. It was much better than the last two. He had definitely improved but…. it was still missing something. Ash bit his lip in frustration as he scanned it. Where did he go wrong? What was missing? What did he add to ruin the effect? He needed to improve a lot if he ever wanted to achieve his deepest desire.

Ash Lynx wanted to paint a god.

When Ash had first met him he didn't think much of him. Ash had hired a random person o be his assistant, mostly because he was slightly more interesting than the others who applied. He ignored the man for a while but as time passed, he found himself talking and hanging out with his assistant. Soon Ash found himself falling for Eiji Okumura. When he had finally admitted to his friends about his crush, he was met with shocked silence until Shorter blurted out,

“You didn’t know?”

Apparently, they all knew about Ash’s crush long before Ash did. They teased him ruthlessly about. The only person who didn’t notice Ash’s crush was Eiji himself. It made sense though, Eiji was busy after all. Between his part-time job, school, and taking care of his sister Ash was surprised he had any time left to spare. Truthfully Ash doubted Eiji thought much about him outside of work. He supposed it was a good thing, after all, he didn’t want his secret to come out. He wasn’t ready to ask Eiji to be his model yet.

Ash remembered exactly when the feeling had started. Eiji had made Ash lunch since he tended to skip meals when he got busy. Ash had eagerly opened the contain before giving a cry of fear. Inside was a stack of mini sandwiches. Each was stuffed with meat and veggies and topped with a sauce that smelled wonderful. The effect was ruined however by the toothpick protruding from each sandwich. At the end of each of them was a small smiling pumpkin sticker.

“Eiji what’s this?!” Ash demanded. Eiji glanced over.

“Oh, they’re leftovers from my sister’s Halloween party.” Eiji smiled innocently “I thought it was best to use them now instead of throwing them away.”

Ash narrowed his eyes. “Halloween was six months ago.”

“I was keeping them for a special occasion.”

“Scaring me senseless is a special occasion for you?” Ask pouted.

The innocent smile dropped in an instant, “Yep.” Eiji grinned mischievously. “It was so worth it.”

Ash groaned and debated not touching the sandwiches at all. After a few seconds, however, his stomach growled hungrily, demanding food. Grumbling to himself Ash picked one of the sandwiches and, flicking the toothpick halfway across the room, took a bite. The first bite whipped any memories of the pumpkin toothpicks away. Ash was heaven. He gave a sigh of contentment and leaned back, savoring the taste. Next to him, Eiji’s expression softened into a gentle smile.

It was that moment that Ash suddenly had an urge to pick up his brush and start working. He wanted to capture Eiji. He wanted to capture Eiji’s smile, so gentle and kind, yet with a hint of mischief. He wanted to catch Eiji’s dark eyes, so deep and thoughtful yet with echoes of insecurity and despair. They also held Eiji determined to march forward despite his past. He wanted to capture Eiji’s expression, so open and yet so closed. Ash wanted to draw Eiji’s slender body, the way he held himself, the way his muscles relaxed and tensed depending on how comfortable he was. He wanted to catch the fact that Eiji favored his right leg since his left one was injured. Ash wanted to capture Eiji’s hands. How hard-working yet gentle they were. He wanted to catch each mark on them, each callous. There was so much Ash wanted to catch. Eiji’s dark floppy hair, the curve of his neck, his laughter, his fight, his stance, his mischief, his confidence, his sadness, his joy.

Ash realized that Eiji wasn’t like anyone he had met before. He was too unique. He had many flaws and many straights both weaving a picture of a complex being. He was a god. If Ash could capture his essence, he would find peace. If Ash could show the world Eiji, then he knew would be satisfied as an artist. Perhaps then he would have the courage to ask Eiji out.

Of course once he realized this, reality set in. He was not good enough to catch any of this. His pictures, while good, were on the simple side. They missed out on important aspects of the subject that they were supposedly capturing. It didn’t help that his models were also on the pain side. They lacked the deep natural beauty of Eiji as well as Eiji’s complexity. If Ash wanted to ask Eiji Okumura to be his model he would have to step up his game.

Ash was snapped out of his thoughts as Eiji came into the room. He glanced over at his assistant. Eiji was wearing a simple button-up shirt and trousers. He wore a dorky nametag and his hair was combed and neat. Ash’s heart skipped a beat. Yep, Eiji was still perfect.

“Is Fredric’s gone?” When Eiji nodded Ash smiled at him. “Alright then, can you clean up the set for me? Keep the bookcases out though, I think I’ll need them for my next painting.”

Eiji continued to look at him and Ash ducked his head back around the painting trying to hide his blush. He could hear Eiji picking up the props. Ash glanced at Eiji one more time before turning his attention back to his picture. The second he did a new wave of disappointment hitting him. Looking at Eiji made his art seem even worse. Now he saw all the mistakes, all the little things he missed. If he couldn’t paint someone like Fredric, then how was he going to paint a complex being like Eiji?

Ash forced his negativity down. Thinking negatively never got him anywhere. He needed to think rationally, to find his mistakes and correct them. Right now he had to figure out what went wrong. What wasn’t he doing right? How could he improve? How could he capture Fredric’s exact thoughts, personality, opinions, attitudes? He was still analyzing the picture when Eiji returned. The assistant looked over his shoulder at the picture and gave a small gasp of surprise and pleasure.

“It’s amazing.” The awe in Eiji’s voice hurt Ash’s ego. It made him feel like Eiji had low standards of him, even though he knew it wasn’t true. He wanted to tell Eiji he could do better. He wanted to promise Eiji he wouldn’t look like this when Ash painted him. Instead, Ash shrugged.

“It’s alright.” Ash supposed it wasn’t all bad. He did capture some of Fredric. “I could have done better.”

“Is this one going to be part of the gallery?”

“Which gallery?” Ash turned his head to look at Eiji.

“The Highstone Gallery. They asked you if you wanted to have some of your work displayed there last month, remember?”

“Oh yeah…sure.” Ash turned his attention back to the picture. He had forgotten about them. They weren’t his top priority. Fame had lost its appeal a while ago. The general population would ooh and aww over anything he made. Ash wanted to show them real art. Until he captured Eiji's beauty, he couldn’t in good faith be proud of his work.

“You still need three more pictures for that gallery. They said you need to submit at least four works.” Eiji continued

p

“Oh, Do you mind calling Jessica again? I have an idea I would like to try on her.” In his mind's eye, he saw his next project. He wanted to paint something simpler. He saw a young woman combing her hair in a bedroom. It was a scene from one of the novels he enjoyed but it would also work as a great picture.

“I’ll contact her tomorrow.” Eiji paused “Oh and speaking of contacts, I’ve finished the list of new candidates.”

“Really?” Ash looked up finally listening. “Let’s go look at it now. I want to see if there’s anyone that could work for an upcoming project I want to make.” Ash had an idea of a setting that would work with Eiji, but he wanted to try out another model first. A new model would be great. He needed fresh blood.

As Eiji lead the way back into the lobby Ash couldn’t help noticing the way he walked. Graceful like an athlete yet with a slight limp, barely noticeable. Ash put it on his mental checklist of things he wanted to capture when drew Eiji.

Once they got to Eiji’s desk, he got on his computer and pulled up the list. Ash eagerly scanned it hopefully. His hope didn’t last long. The people on the list were not what he was looking for. Nothing much stood out about them. Trying not to sigh with frustration, he scanned over the list again.

“I guess the third one would do. You can call him.” Ash’s voice lacked any commitment.

“I’ll reach out to him then.” Eiji sounded stiff and annoyed. Ash wondered if it was because he was acting dismissively. Ash felt a twinge of guilt. Eiji had worked hard to make that list. Ash could at least try to be more positive.

“Although he’s not up to standards, I think he might actually work…” Ash tried to make his voice light. It wasn’t like he was lying. The man did have deep eyes that would probably work for a few projects.

“Ash,” Eiji sounded tentative. “I know it’s good not to get complacent and it’s always important to strive to improve, but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I mean, you’re going to drive yourself insane trying to reach ‘perfection’. You’ll never get there, and it will make you go crazy. You need an attainable goal.” Eiji’s eyes were full of sadness and Ash knew he was thinking of his own past. “Trust me, there’s such thing as pushing yourself too far.”

Ash looked into Eiji’s warm concerned eyes and wanted to ask him now to be his model. He wanted to say to Eiji that he was his goal. Instead, he forced himself to calm down. “I know Eiji, but I need to do this. I _have_ a goal in mind, but to reach it I need to get to improve my skills.” He sighed frustrated. “I had this goal in mind for a while but…”

I’m just not good enough. He couldn’t say that. It sounded winey. Ash wasn't usually whiney. He never complained even though he didn't grow up in the best situation. When it came to Eiji though Ash felt like he acted like a child. He lost the ability to mask his feelings and just spoke freely around him. Then there was the fear that he would never be good enough. Ash always worried that when the time came, Eiji wouldn’t accept his offer of being his model. He wanted to ask now, while Eiji was still connected to him, every moment he waited Eiji could lose interest in him and his work. If that happened, he would lose the chance of paint Eiji. The problem was that if he asked too soon, he would fail and that would be worse. Gloom set in his mind. Eiji must have noticed because he suddenly asked

“Hey, are you free after work? The café down the road is having trivia night.” Eiji flashed him a grin. “I thought you’d be interested.”

Ash blinked at the sudden change of subject but played along “Another one? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you bring me to all these trivia nights just so I can win them for you.” Ash raised an eyebrow. “Do you only hang out with me because of my brain?”

Ash how dare you!” Eiji gasped in mock outrage “What’s wrong with hanging out with my friend on trivia night?”

“Hmmm.” Ash crossed his arms pretending to be against the idea. Truthfully, he would jump on any excuse to hang out with Eiji more.

Eiji copied him. “Are you saying that you don’t want to cream your competition and enjoy their shocked faces when they underestimate you?” Eiji’s fake innocence was adorable.

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Ash smirked. “Alright let’s do it!”


	2. To Paint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Here's the second half of this story. Like always it is not beta read. Feel free to point out any mistakes that bother you. I'm having a rough time in my life so there might be more mistakes than ussual.  
> Anyways, on to the story!

Time is a frustrating thing. It moves so quickly yet can feel like it is standing still. Ash knew he was improving but not fast enough. His fame was becoming almost unbearable. Studios had reached out to him and offered him jobs there. His manager had told him to consider hiring a professional assistant. This had angered Ash. He was fine with Eiji. It was hard for him to trust others with his work and Eiji knew what he was doing. If the time came that Eiji switched to a modeling role then he would get an assistant. If Eiji left he would get an assistant. If Eiji stayed however Ash was not going to replace him.

On the other hand, the time spent with Eiji was a great joy. They had gotten very close in the last year. Eiji had practically moved into Ash’s apartment. Although not official, Ash always had Eiji’s clothes, toothbrushes, and other living things at his house. Both of them had keys to the other’s place and just showed up unannounced. Ash wished he could ask Eiji out and make it official, but he knew he couldn’t, not until after he asked Eiji to be his model.

\---

“Thank you, Jessica. That’s all for today.” Ash watched the young woman leave before turning back to his work. Surveying it, he looked for the telltale marks that usually showed his shortcomings. To his surprise, he found very little. The picture held most of Jessica’s personality. Ash’s heart started to hammer. The painting actually looked…good. Perhaps not exactly what he was looking for, but it caught almost everything with very few errors. Ash closed his eyes for a few minutes before opening again. The picture was still good. Ash let out a breath. Was it time? Was he ready? After so long could he actually ask Eiji? Was actually ready to draw a god? The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating. What if it was too late? What if Eiji didn’t want to do it. He would never force Eiji to be his model and there was no guaranty. Even so, Ash hoped for the best.

As if summoned by the power of Ash’s thoughts, the door swung open and Eiji busted in. The energy in the room skyrocket as Eiji charged him, waving around a fancy envelope. He tripped on the carpet and fell face forward nearly knocking Ash over.

“Woah, calm down.” Ash helped him up. “Is someone on fire or dead?”

“What no!” Eiji brushed himself off.

“Well, something must have happened. You did try to nosedive into the carpet.”

Eiji scowled at him and whacked his arm lightly. “If you must know….” He petered off looking behind Ash at the picture of Jessica.

Ash’s heart skipped a beat as he looked from it to Eiji and back at it again. How did the picture look to Eiji? Depending on his reaction Ash might not be as ready as he first thought.

Biting his lip he asked. “What do you think.”

“It’s…amazing.” Eiji hadn’t taken his eyes off of it. “This…. has to be your best piece yet.” A warm feeling spread across Ash’s chest as he let out a breath, he didn’t know he was holding. It was possible for Eiji…No even better, Eiji had said it was his best.

As Ash watched Eiji take in the painting an overwhelming wave of relief hit him. He did it. He got to the point where he was good enough. Then the feeling was gone followed by anxiety. Now it was the moment of truth. This could change everything. Before Ash could open his mouth however Eiji shook his head and tore his gaze away from the canvas.

“I actually came here for a reason. This just arrived in the mail.” Eiji helped up the envelope he was waving. “It’s from the World Art Gallery.” Eiji’s eyes flashed in excitement. Ash’s breath caught. The World Art Gallery only happened once every ten years. It showcased some of the best art in the world. If this was what he thought it was….Ash slowly took the envelop and it. Inside was an invitation.

“You’ve been invited to present a piece of work for the World Art Gallery.” He read out loud his heart hammering. This was perfect timing. He could use the gallery to show the world what true art looked like.

“Congratulations.” Eiji beamed.

“Yeah.” Ash knew his voice sounded stiff but his nerves weren’t letting him think. It was now or never. As Ash opened his mouth Eiji gave a small huff, clearly frustrated at his lack of a reaction.

“This is big Ash, really big.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Ash tried to smile. “How long do I have to submit a piece?”

“It says the deadline is June 25th of next year” Eiji glanced down at the invite. Ash let out his breath. A year, that would be plenty of time. He turned his gaze to Eiji, a deep excitement bubbled up from his stomach.

“That’s perfect.” He whispered a smile breaking across his face.

Eiji noticing his grin. “I knew you were excited! Stop trying to act cool” he nudged Ash’s shoulder. “For a second I thought you weren’t going to take this seriously Do you have any ideas on what you are going to do?” Eiji’s expression turned business-like. Ash tried to hold back a chuckle.

“Yes.” Ash had made a list of scenes he wanted to draw Eiji in. It would probably take him a little while to choose the right one. “I’m ready for this.”

\---

“I’m ready for this.” the joy and determination in Ash’s voice made Eiji’s heart leap. It had been so long since he saw Ash this happy. Eiji wasn’t sure if it was because of the Gallery or because of the new painting. Either way, Ash was in a good mood, though anxious. Eiji understood. This was a big deal. His work would be viewed by millions of people all over the world. Secretly Eiji thought that Ash ad nothing to worry about. His art was on a different level.

Ash’s last picture of Jessica was something to behold. It felt like the painted woman was alive. She had so much life in her. Eiji could tell what kind of person she was and what she was thinking. In the picture, Jessica was sitting by a window. Her eyes were far away almost daydreamy, yet there was a gleam in them that made one thing she might be planning something. Eiji would love to take the time to study it more. He knew he could stare at it for hours, just learning about the woman inside.

This, however, was not the time to do that. He had work to do. As Ash’s assistant, it was his job to make sure everything went smoothly. He had to help Ash set up for the new project. Eiji would make sure that everything was perfect.

“You’ll need a model.” Eiji mussed. “Do you want to use one of the regulars or should I send out invitations for auditions?” Knowing Ash’s desire for perfection, it would probably take a very long time to find the perfect person. Eiji guessed that they were going to have to go through hundreds of gorgeous models before they found the best. A small part of his mind grumbled at the thought. He shoved his jealousy back. This wasn’t about him; it was about Ash. He was not going to ruin this by thinking those thoughts.

“I know who I want to ask to be my model.” Ash looked nervous.

“Oh.” Eiji didn’t know what to say. After all the years of putting together lists and lists of models, only for Ash to pick one or two if they were good enough, he was shocked how fast Ash was moving. This person must have made quite an impact on him. He wondered why Ash looked so nervous. Did he expect this person to turn him down? Maybe this person was so amazingly perfect that Ash didn’t feel worthy of painting them.

Eiji shot him a reassuring smile. “That’s great. I’m sure they’d love to be your model. Do you have their contact information? I can send them an email right away to ask them to come in….” Eiji frowned thoughtfully. “Actually this is kind of big. I think you should invite them over first and tell them first. It seems rude to do it through email or on the phone.”

“Yeah.” Eiji wasn’t sure if it was the light but Ash looked paler than usual. The thought of confronting his model was clearly bothering him. Eiji’s heart ached. Ash’s paintings were amazing. He couldn’t imagine someone turning down a role in them. Ash had nothing to worry about.

“I can talk to them if you want.” It would kill him inside to have that conversation but if it kept Ash from stressing, he wouldn’t mind. Ash shook his head.

“That’s not necessary. I’m going to do it myself.” He paused. “Eiji let’s talk in the conference room.”

“Alright, let me grab some stuff and I’ll meet you there.” Eiji turned away and hurried to the lobby. Now they were getting down to business. Ash only used the conference room when he was interviewing, drawing up contracts, or giving directions for his next project. Eiji knew his role in those situations. He would sit and listen to Ash and recording everything he said. Then he would go and put everything into motion so Ash could work peacefully.

Eiji arrived at his desk and grabbed a pen and paper. He grabbed a form to fill out the basic information such as phone numbers and names. Finally, he grabbed an empty shopping list. Ash would probably need more surprise soon. Once he got everything, he quickly entered the conference room and shut the door.

The conference room was small with a whiteboard and a round table where three or four people could sit. Ash was already sitting in one of the chairs waiting for him. Eiji jogged over and deposited his stuff on the table before sitting down. Once he was ready, he turned his attention back to Ash. He was surveying him with a serious look on his face. Eiji gulped quietly. Ash never looked that serious before. Even in interviews, he had a carefree mild attitude. Ash understood how big this was. Eiji straightened up. If Ash was going to act this professional, he was too.

“Alright let’s start.” Eiji posed his pen over the paper and looked up expectantly.

Ash opened his mouth, then closed it. He took a deep breath in. “Eiji.” He looked Eiji squarely in the eyes. “I was wondering if you would like to be my model.”

Eiji blinked. “Sorry, can you repeat that again?” He felt like an idiot. Of all the times to lose himself in a daydream this was the worst. Ash was taking this so seriously and now it looked like Eiji didn’t care.

Ash seemed to deflate a little. “I was wondering if you would like to be my model for my next project. I can get a part-time assistant to fill in while you’re modeling.” Ash folded his hands in front of him. “I’m aware that you’re busy and I’m willing to work around your schedule.” Despite how pale he looked, his voice was steady and low. Eiji tried to keep himself from rolling his eyes.

Of all the times to joke this was the worst. Eiji should have guessed he wasn’t taking the World Art Gallery seriously. He had almost forgotten that Ash didn’t care about those things anymore. He was more interested in perfection. He had really gotten Eiji. It was funny how convincing Ash could be when he wanted to. Eiji just wished Ash wouldn’t joke about him being a model. He knew Ash wasn’t a cruel person and had no idea of Eiji’s dark longings, but it still pained him to hear Ash joke so easily about it. He knew he was plain; Ash didn’t need to point that out.

“You want me to model,” Eiji said dryly. He waited for Ash’s mouth to twitch. He waited for the smirk to grace the Lynx’s lips. He waited for his eyes to lose their seriousness and become playful and layback. Instead, Ash’s expression fell.

“Yes. If you don’t want to, I won’t force you to….” He looked downcast. Eiji frowned. It wasn’t like Ash to carry a joke this far. He thought it over for a second.

“Ohhhh.” The truth dawned on him. “I see, you want to do a test drawing before getting the real model.” It made sense. Using a basic person like him would require less effort. Ash could quickly sketch Eiji and see if the setting and pose worked before moving on to the real thing. Ash usually didn’t do it that way but for something as important as this, he must be nervous.

“Alright that’s fine but you still need a proper model as well.” Eiji jolted down a note and turned back to Ash. He found Ash staring at him with an aghast expression

“Why would I do that? That would be a downgrade.”

“What?” Eiji tilted his head. Sometimes he wished he could see how Ash’s mind worked. Maybe then he would understand what he meant by ‘downgrade’.

“I asked why you think I’d need another model other than you?”

Eiji took a deep breath and held it for a second. He had no idea what was going on. Was Ash taking this seriously or not? “Ash, you do know what this is right?”

“Yeah…” Ash started but Eiji interrupted him.

“It’s the biggest event every decade. This will cement your legacy.”

“I know.”

“Well.” Eiji tried to keep the exasperation out of his voice. “You’ll need a model who is almost perfect. One that could complement your art style.” Eiji pointed out the door where the corner of the canvas was still visible “They would have to be as beautiful as Jessica if not more.”

“Yes?”

“Well then stop joking!”

“Who’s joking?” Ash looked frustrated now. “If you don’t want to model-”

“It has nothing to do with what I want or not!” Eiji threw his arms up in the air. “I just want you to take this seriously. This is really big. You need the perfect model!”

“That’s why I’m asking you.”

“Right, for a big life-changing event you want to go with the plainest simple guy out there.” Eiji rolled his eyes. “Come on, if you were going for the common man at least pick someone who’s interesting like Shorter.”

“Common.” Ash croaked weakly. “Have you seen yourself?”

“Yes, Ash I’ve looked in a mirror before.” Eiji sighed. “Which is why I’m saying please choose someone like Jessica or Fredric. They look like angels.” Of all times for Ash to lose his standards, this was the worst time.

“Why would I got for an angel when I can have a god?” Ash scowled at Eiji. “Stop making dumb excuses. If you don’t want to do it just say so.”

“A god….” Eiji stared into Ash’s eyes and only saw his determination. He felt himself deflate. “You actually mean it….” Eiji laughed weakly. “Did you get hit by a car on the way here and got your brains muddled? Is that why you suddenly decided to ask me?”

“I wanted to ask you for a long time.” Ash looked away. “My art was just not enough to capture all of you. I had to keep finding models who could hold a candle to your beauty…That’s why I’m asking you now. I’m finally good enough.”

Eiji listened, the words sinking into his brain slower than molasses. This was really happening. Ash meant everything he said. He wanted Eiji to be his model. He thought Eiji was beautiful. The idea that all the other models were only picked so he could get good enough for Eiji was absurd.

Eiji’s mind was fried. “I mean if you want to….I wouldn’t mind….” Ash’s eyes filled with relief.

“You’ll do it?” he smiled gently. “Thank you.”

\----

“Ok, now hold still.”

Eiji rested his arm upon the table as tried not to move. Luckily, he was half facing Ash so he could glance at him while he worked. Ash had set him up at a table. In front of him were his camera and a handful of his pictures. Ash had instructed him to look over the pictures and decide which one was the best. Eiji didn’t really like the pose much. Although comfortable, it felt too simple. It was just what he did every day for school, nothing special. Even so, he trusted that Ash knew what he was doing.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ash set up his easel. A thrill of joy rushed through him. This was real. This was really happening. Eiji was hyper-aware of everything at that moment. He wondered if Ash noticed how loud his heart was beating. If he did, he didn’t comment. Instead, Ash set up containers of art equipment in front of him. There was a tension in the room as Ash straightened up, brush posed.

“Paint me like one of your French girls.”

Ash looked over at him his eyebrows raised and Eiji laughed. The tension dissolves in an instant.

“Not this picture” Ash snorted “but I wouldn’t mind doing that for the next one.”

That shut Eiji up. He squeaked in protest, a slight blush spreading. He would love to bury his face in his hands but forced himself to stand still.

“I didn’t know there would be a next one.” He muttered trying to change the subject.

“If you let me, I’ll paint hundreds of pictures of you.” Ash eyed Eiji and picked up another brush. “Even ones ‘like my French girls.’” He grinned as he began working. Eiji scowled at him.

“Trust me no one would want to see that.” Eiji hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Oh, I would disagree.” Ash hummed as he turned back to the canvas and moved his brush along it.

Eiji was sure he could cook a three-course meal on his face right now. “Are you flirting with me? At least ask me out first.”

Ash paused. “If I did would you say yes?”

Eiji gulped. If getting painted was one of his desires, then going out with Ash was the other.

“Only after you finish…” he added quickly. He wanted Ash to keep focused on his art so he would do well for the gallery.

 _“The gallery you will be in.”_ a voice purred in Eiji’s head. Eiji couldn’t help but feel pleased.

Ash sighed. “Fair, how about I ask you out when I’m done? Would you say yes?”

“Depends on how good the picture is.” Eiji joked.

Ash nodded solemnly. “I promise Eiji, it will be amazing.”

\---

Getting painted by Ash was a dream come true. It didn’t feel real most of the time. He would arrive at the studio right after his class, spinning excuses to his friends on why he couldn’t hang out. Ash wanted to keep this a secret from everyone so no one would know what art piece he was going to make. Eiji would spend hours sitting there watching Ash work. He never really saw Ash in action before. Ash didn’t like others to watch him paint. It was only him and his subject. Now that Eiji was his subject he got the privilege of watching Ash’s elegant movements. He was so graceful and calculated. Eiji loved the way his brow furled when he debated something. He loved it when Ash tilted his head or held up a brush to get another angle. All of it made Eiji fall in love with him all over again. This was what true passion looked like.

Of course, Eiji also loved being the center of Ash’s attention. After the pole-vaulting incident he usually hated having so many eyes on him, but Ash was different. Ash’s eyes scanned over him seeming to see every bit of him. Everything from his strengths, flaws, and personality was visible. He knew Eiji’s good and bad sides. Ash’s gaze would soften lovingly the longer he looked at Eiji. Eiji loved Ash’s deep gaze. He wondered how the picture would turn out. Would he look ok? Would there really be enough of him to make something spectacular? Eiji still doubted that he was worthy enough for this, but he trusted Ash. He just wishes Ash would show him his progress. Ash told him he couldn’t see it until he was done.

\---

“Alright Eiji,” Ash placed down his brush. “We’re good.”

“Great.” Eiji stood up and stretched. “Same time tomorrow?”

“No.” Ash shook his head. “I’m done.” Eiji froze, eyes glued on the back of caves. If he walked around it, he would see himself. Eiji’s hands clenched as he took a rasping breath. This was terrifying. He was about to see if he could really be Ash’s model or if Ash had miscalculated. Eiji gulped and slowly dragged his feet forward. As the picture came into view, he lost his breath.

It was as if someone had taken him and replaced him with a beautiful version of himself There sat a young man confident and passionate about his work. This man was kind, gentle, slightly mischievous, and ridiculously stubborn. His hands that worked with the camera were soft but worn. His eyes scanned the photos with an air of passion and professionalism. Here was a story about someone who fell from grace yet was working their way back up. Here was someone who still struggled with their past and their past injuries. Here was someone who could be a brat sometimes but also a loving friend. Here was a suborn person who wouldn’t let things go. Here was the patient person who listened gently. He emanated strength and power as well as meek and mildness.

He was also gorgeous. He was built yet simple. He was a person you might not see right away but the longer you knew him the more beautiful he was. His dark eyes held childishness and wisdom. Their deep color seemed to reflect the night sky. His hair was dark and tamed, reflecting his orderly personality. His body was slightly tense as if he was working hard, yet also relaxed and gentle.

This was him.

Eiji couldn’t form in words how he felt. How did Ash get all this from him? Was this what Ash saw? Eiji had looked in the mirror hundreds of times. He didn’t look like this. He knew his own life story. He wasn’t as interesting or deep as the Eiji in the picture. Yet this was what Ash saw and knew about him. This was what Ash wanted to capture.

“What do you think?” Ash’s anxious voice pulled Eiji back to reality. “It’s good but I am aware it didn’t capture _everything._ I only just got to a level that I can paint you in. The next one will be better.”

“Ash….it’s…it’s amazing.” The words didn’t do it justice. “I….I can’t even…..” Eiji felt tears prick at his eyes. “This will work as a Gallery picture” he finished lamely. Ash’s expression relaxed. He reached down and took Eiji’s hands.

“Is it good enough for you to go on a date with me?”

Eiji gave a weak laugh. “Yes.” He leaned forward and kissed Ash softly.

\---

This was paradise. In the last month, he had completed both of his goals. All that waiting finally came to fruition. He had both successfully painted Eiji and asked him out on a date. Hand in hand they left the studio and headed to the lobby. Ash felt tired after so many hours of painting but satisfied. The anxiety and frustration that clouded his mind were gone. He was at peace with himself and the world.

“So are you two done.”

Ash froze as he took in the crowd waiting for them in the lobby. There was Shorter, Max, Alex, Bones, Kong, Eiji’s sister, Eiji’s teacher Ibe, and Eiji’s friends Sing, and Yut-Lung.

“What are you doing here?!” Eiji asked bewildered.

“We want to see your picture!” Shorter beamed at them.

Eiji laughed nervously “What picture?”

“The one Ash was drawing.” Yut-Lung flipped his hair over his shoulder. “Seriously, did you think we didn’t figure know?”

“How did you figure it out.” Ash narrowed his eyes. He knew neither he nor Eiji told them. The only other person was the part-time assistant and none of them knew her.

“It was kind of obvious.” Shorter rolled his eyes. “I mean you’ve been wanting to paint Eiji forever.”

“What? How did you know?” Ash had kept that secret under lock and key. There was no way they would have found out.

“Ash.” Max looked pained. “You would complain about your models then say, ‘I wish I could paint a perfect model…’ while your eyes drifted slowly over to Eiji.”

“You were almost as obvious as Eiji’s desire to get painted.” Sing threw in. Eiji squeaked in embarrassment.

“That was supposed to be a secret.”

“Next time you want to keep something a secret don’t gush about how amazing Ash’s pictures were and how _luck_ his models were.” Eiji’s sister put her hands on her hips. “You’re not a jealous person so there had to be a reason behind your jealousy.”

“But…” Eiji looked lost. He glanced at Ash for help. Ash shrugged, as confused as Eiji was. Were they really that obvious?

“Then you guy just…stopped.” Shorter continued. “Eiji no longer bemoaned the other models and you stopped complaining about finding the perfect person. Between that and how busy both of you suddenly were….”

“Plus the gross optimism.” Yut-Lung threw in.

“We kind of all figured that your desires had come true.”

“So now we’re here!” Max finished. “And we’re not leaving until you show us the painting even if it’s not done yet!”

Ash scowled at all of them. He wasn’t supposed to show his work to anyone until the opening day. Even so, he knew he would never hear the end of it if he didn’t show them. They were friends and family after all so it couldn’t hurt… He glanced at Eiji who shrugged as if to say. “I don’t mind if you don’t mind.”

“Fine.” Ash turned back. “but no photos. You can’t talk about this with anyone understand? Leave your phones, cameras, and everything else that can take pictures out here.” With a loud whoop, Shorter flung his phone on the couch and charged into the room, the rest of them hurrying after him.

“And don’t touch anything!” Ash bellowed after them “Seriously.”

“I can’t believe they knew.” Eiji looked mortified. Ash shot him a sidelong glance.

“So what is this about you wanting to be my model?”

“I…” Eiji buried his face in his arms. “You can’t blame me! Your art is so powerful! Who wouldn’t want to be painted by you?”

“Hey.” Ash pulled down his arms and lifted his chin. “No need to be embarrassed.” He grinned at Eiji who scowled slightly and looked away. “But if you wanted to be my model so badly you could have asked.”

“I didn’t think I was good enough,” Eiji muttered. Ash shook his head in bewilderment. He couldn’t understand how Eiji missed how beautiful he was.

“Do you still think that way?”

“After seeing your picture of me.” Eiji shook his head. “I didn’t know I could look like that.”

“You always look like that. I just mealy captured it.”

Eiji turned his head to gaze at Ash. Ash found himself lost in those deep dark eyes. Without another word, they both leaned in. In the background, Ash heard the gasps and ahhs of their friends and family. In front of him, he could feel Eiji’s lips pressed against his own.

Ash’s mind was finally at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I hoped you enjoyed the story. If you feel like it please leave Kudos/comments. I always love reading them and they make my day.

**Author's Note:**

> And that was part 1! Next, let's see if our pining boys can ever get out of their vicious cycle of everlasting self-doubt and pining. If you enjoyed please leave a Kudos/Review. If you had any thoughts, options, or anything else, also feel free to leave a Kudo/comment.  
> Until next time!


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